


My Biggest "What If"

by HeyJude67



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:22:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4843898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyJude67/pseuds/HeyJude67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Phil recounts his time with Dan</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Biggest "What If"

**Author's Note:**

> Third story now! As alway, love and comments are hugely appreciated. Enjoy!~

We were destined to meet. I know that now. Running top speed at each other in a train station is one of my best memories. My other best memories are every day I ever spent with you. We did some ridiculous things together, but now looking over at the empty side of the bed which used to be yours, I know those things were nothing compared to the foolishness of us calling it off. We never truly started to begin with, and that's what pains me the most. We never got the chance to start, never had the chance to become something, out of fear and our silly arguments. You've moved on now, and are happy without me, which breaks my heart more than anything. You still haven't forgiven me for that day I left and never came back, and I don't think you ever will. Why did I let you slip through my fingers? One minute I had you, the next, you were long gone. I guess I was scared to tell you all you really meant to me, scared to tell you the full truth and be rejected. Even now, I think of you in the dead of night, drifting in and out of sleep, remembering all the lovely times we shared. All the times I woke up to see your brown hair plastered to your face, an angelic look on your face as you slept next to me. All the breakfasts at noon we shared, bowls of cereal in front of the telly while we watched our favorite anime. All the videos we made, and all the things that were never put into them warms my heart. Remembering you always brings a smile to my face. It's kind of like a clock you see; it starts from our earliest point, our meeting, to the end, the day I left. The memories cycle round and round, each one ticking by, all too quickly. I wish they didn't ever end. But, our clock broke, and frozen in time is the most bitter memory. It won't start ticking again, no matter how much I will it to continue. Not without you by my side. I can't stop myself from thinking of you, and what would have happened if I hadn't left five years ago. What if I told you what I really felt and had been feeling towards you? What if you felt the same? What if we gave us a chance? What would have happened then? You, Dan Howell, will always be my biggest "what if?"


End file.
